Feeling exhausted? Overwhelmed by a sense of discouragement, or perhaps even grappling with depression? Does it seem like life is just passing you by while everyone else appears confident, achieving their goals, and heading in a planned direction, full of pride?

If you’re feeling this way, you’re certainly not alone; many people share these deep-seated struggles. But let’s be honest, knowing that doesn’t magically change how we feel about ourselves or our current circumstances, does it? Simply being aware that others are also facing hardship isn’t a substitute for finding real solutions to what we’re personally experiencing.

We all make mistakes, and those missteps often have consequences. But for right now, try to set aside the ‘what ifs’ and regrets—whether you feel you made a wrong turn or missed a crucial opportunity when you should have acted. Dwelling on past decisions, or indecisions, doesn’t change your present reality. You might be facing incredibly tough times—be it financially, spiritually, physically, or in some other area of your life. All of those challenges are significant, and importantly, your feelings about them are valid and matter.

Chasing a Dream, Facing a Hard Reality

When I was younger—and I still roll my eyes when people offer the platitude, “Oh, but you still have plenty of time!” because, honestly, who really knows if we have ‘plenty of time’? You could be in your early 50s with maybe another 10 or 15 years to chase your dreams, or you could be 30 with your final moments just minutes, hours, or a few months away. The truth is, we might not have nearly as much time as we think.

So, back to my ‘younger self.’ I had this all-consuming dream of becoming a successful forex trader. I plunged headfirst into the intricate world of financial markets, absolutely determined to decipher what the data was really telling me. Technical indicator analysis, mathematical modeling, quantitative strategies—you name it, I immersed myself in it. The hard truth? After nearly two decades dedicated to cracking that code, I was left with tens of thousands of dollars in losses. And the time? The sheer volume of time I poured into this unfulfilled ambition was staggering. Sure, there were exhilarating moments—times I made thousands, even five figures, in just a few days. But inevitably, I’d stay in the game long enough to lose it all again. Every spare moment became an obsession, spent glued to my screen, running analyses from the most basic to the more sophisticated, even dabbling in neural networking and sometimes trying to leverage artificial intelligence in my relentless pursuit.

The Weight of Unmet Expectations

Despite all this, I was incredibly angry with myself, and a stubborn part of me refused to quit—to walk away from something that clearly wasn’t making me feel good about myself anymore, wasn’t bringing the financial stability I craved, and, quite the opposite, was robbing me of precious time and money. It’s akin to being trapped in a devastatingly bad relationship: you’ve poured in time, emotions, and money, but more critically, you’ve invested fervent dreams and deeply cherished hopes. You’ve constructed an entire life, sometimes a whole new universe, complete with an imaginary house and kids you might have even named. You’ve pictured them calling out to you, imagined teaching them fishing, hunting, art—whatever skills you pride yourself on. All of this unfolds inside your head, a vision rehearsed so many times it feels not just tangible, but terrifyingly, undeniably real.

Then, suddenly, you find yourself feeling trapped in the ‘wrong’ universe—your actual life—while desperately trying to figure out how to cross over to that meticulously constructed universe that has become your perceived reality. Your current life, and everything in it, starts to feel unwanted, unattractive. After all, your mind no longer fully believes that your present circumstances are ‘real.’ You feel like you’re caught in a bad dream, just waiting to wake up, or perhaps for a spaceship to arrive and whisk you away to that idealized world where you’ve always felt you belonged. When that kind of cognitive dissonance hits, your perception of everything can become incredibly blurry.

The Allure of the Dream, The Neglect of the Now

But how can we still chase what we desire without rendering our present lives unattractive? Are there effective strategies, or were the ‘tricks’ we were once convinced to use actually more damaging in the long run? Don’t get me wrong, a part of me still loves the financial market—its unexplained movements, its mysteries. I guess that’s what always drew me in: the allure of things we can’t quite explain, the mysterious mechanisms by which we are so easily seduced. I acknowledge that allure. But the bigger question is, how can I continue to pursue ambitions and still love myself, still maintain a sense of gratitude for who I am and what I have during the process? How does the destination become less critical than the journey itself? It’s incredibly hard sometimes.

I catch myself in the gym, spending too much time scrutinizing my reflection, looking for results that perhaps only I can perceive, or staring into the mirror imagining a ‘future me,’ a ‘better me.’ In those moments, I’m enjoying the actual process less, completely detached from the ‘now.’ So, is there a trick to deploy? How can you unteach your brain something that has become so deeply ingrained, almost a part of its physical structure?

Reclaiming Your Spark: A Path to Meaningful Pursuit

My honest thought? I don’t believe you can simply ‘unteach’ your brain something so deeply set. But perhaps you can harness that same powerful imaginative ability—the one that meticulously constructed those detailed inner worlds—to find a new perspective. Try this: for a moment, allow yourself to comfortably inhabit that ‘ideal’ universe in your mind, the one you deeply yearn for. Then, from that vantage point, gently turn your focus back to your actual life, specifically to the very origin of the dream that first set you on your ambitious path.

Journey back in time to that initial spark—that pivotal moment you first felt an undeniable pull towards something new and compelling. That moment is profoundly important; it represents a significant turn you consciously took.

Now, drawing from that place of original inspiration, gently try to reconstruct the life and the feelings that were alive in you when you made that decision. That compelling dream, and the intense, positive feelings that urged you to pursue it, were intrinsically linked to everything that came before. I invite you to own that entire past, to reclaim its influence, because it’s so easy to drift from our deepest motivations during a difficult or lengthy journey. Whatever you are striving for now, its meaning is truly amplified when you feel a strong connection to the ‘why’ that initially set you in motion. Reconnecting with that core inspiration, and understanding your past as part of that journey, can help you see your current path in a new light and rediscover your sense of purpose, particularly when navigating setbacks or discouragement.

Maybe we are our past and never our future.

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